Ep. 75 Overcoming Not Good Enough in Midlife

[00:00:00] Justine Jeddy: Hello, Meegan. Welcome. I was just waiting for the internet to catch up there. I’m like, she’s here somewhere. Yeah, I’m here. Welcome. Welcome. I’m so excited to have you on. So for those of you that don’t know, Meegan is a midlife mentor, counselor and coach. And I’m so excited for us to kind of unpack today’s topic.

So we’re going to be covering limiting beliefs, but specifically The limiting belief of I’m not good enough because I don’t know about you, Meegan, but I feel like it’s quite a common limiting belief. And it’s something that I feel that everyone on some level has struggled with.

[00:00:35] Meegan Care: Yeah, me too. I’ve seen it with pretty much every client I’ve worked with.

It’s been at the core of my own unfolding. So I think it’s a really good place to start. Awesome.

[00:00:46] Justine Jeddy: Awesome. So I think for those that maybe are new to their self development journey or may or may not have heard of the term limiting belief before, how would you define what a limiting belief is?

[00:00:58] Meegan Care: Yeah, I think that’s such a great place to start.

You know, for most of us, we have some kind of sense of what a limiting belief is, but when we try and put it into words, what does that actually mean? So for me, it means how I perceive the world, myself, my relationships with others, and also my future. And more than that, it’s like the the script or the programming that’s running my psyche.

And so very importantly, Limiting beliefs are very often unconscious until we start doing that unpacking work. So if we’ve got, you know, patterns that keep repeating themselves, very difficult charged emotions that keep repeating themselves in many different circumstances, we could, we could start to unpack that and think about what might be underneath here.

What might be at the core that. That could be a limiting belief, right? So that’s that’s sort of how I access down through them.

[00:01:59] Justine Jeddy: Totally. And I guess for me my perception of what a limiting belief is compared to just a normal belief Is it hinders your potential in some way? Like I feel like it’s got like a negative aspect to it in that it either yeah limits limits your potential limits your and it hinders the, your capabilities and what you believe about yourself or the world around you to be true.

And essentially hinders what, what you’re capable of and hinders what, you know, the potential that you have within you, as opposed to like a normal belief that could be a healthy belief.

[00:02:31] Meegan Care: So we can have beliefs that serve us, that are neutral, and then there’s the, the limiting beliefs, and you’re right, and they, they hinder our potential, they, they sort of hinder where we want to head to, but, and also I think they create blinkers, so we can’t actually see the bigger, broader vision for our life when those limiting beliefs are quite Rigid within our psyche, that’s sort of how I perceive them, yeah.

It’s good to, good to clarify around limiting, serving, neutral, that kind of thing as well.

[00:03:01] Justine Jeddy: Absolutely, absolutely, and so how would you, how would you I guess, get someone who’s maybe new to the, See ya. Self development journeys maybe come to you to kind of identify what those limiting beliefs are for themselves or specifically even identifying if if the I’m not good enough belief is is one of those ones that pop up

[00:03:23] Meegan Care: background.

Yeah. Yes. Sort of, when you can track somebody’s language, it sort of falls out in conversation. So if we were to start to talk about experiences, maybe that a client had had and, you know, that they’d struggled with, and then the conversation might open up to, you know, what their beliefs and their underlying thoughts were around that.

Well, the limiting beliefs are sort of embedded. In our language so they they show up in that way And so that’s why it’s quite good when we have somebody who’s a neutral Observer can reflect that back to us because of course it’s really hard to see what’s going on inside of us because we’re in In the book we’re in the story So it’s hard to see it, right so to have that observer to, you know, gently point that out is really helpful, or we might reflect on like repeated negative negative or limiting patterns and behaviors that, you know, we started maybe in a relationship and it was going really well, and then suddenly I’m behaving in this really irrational way over and over again when my new beloved tells me that they’re going to spend time with their other friends or As an example, right?

And so if that’s happening over and over again, then I would be looking at, well, I wonder what’s underneath here. Is there some kind of limiting belief underneath that’s driving my behavior, driving my emotions and the way I see the world. So that’s, you know, how we can start to identify those, but often like we’re talking about not good enough today, but often very simple and.

Not particularly complex, right? So, so they’re sort of hidden in plain sight. Yeah,

[00:05:08] Justine Jeddy: totally. I think you hit, yeah, the nail on the head there. I think sometimes people, I know from my experience, because I’ve struggled with this limiting belief before of I’m not good enough, and I feel like it’s in different nations, right?

Like, they say like healing is never linear, like you’re going to go through different layers of stuff. But I certainly, when I look back at past instances, I think, The level of awareness that I had then was, I knew, I knew there was something that wasn’t working. Like there was something that was not quite ticking over, but it was pinpointing, like, what that was.

And I could see it in my behaviors, both like, both in my health and fitness journey, but just in general as well, right?

[00:05:48] Meegan Care: So, you could see it in your behaviours. Was there anything that, that helped you go from not seeing it in your behaviours to then being able to have your eyes more open and being able to see it?

Can you sort of pinpoint that?

[00:06:02] Justine Jeddy: Yeah. So something that was really big for me when I think back to the beginning of my health and fitness journey. So before I became a coach was, was I very much had like an all or nothing mindset. So very perfectionist thinking. And if I was to take it back even further to childhood, I was bullied throughout my high school years.

And primary school years, I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up not like I do now. And so I think there was an undercurrent there of, you know, I’m not good enough. That kind of stemmed from that. And then obviously like parents having expectations, things like that, I think further you know, added to that.

And then but in my, but, but then crossing that over to my health and fitness because I, I truly believe that. We can’t outperform our self image. And so I’ve, I truly believe like the relationship you have with yourself is reflected in every other relationship and every other area of your life.

And so when I started my health and fitness training, I was still unaware that I was like, that I had that limiting belief, although I didn’t even know what a limiting belief was at that point in time, to be, to be up completely honest with you. And so I could see it in hindsight, looking back, you know, I had an unhealthy relationship with food.

It was very much. I’m being good this week, or I’m completely off the plan. It was very much that all or nothing, like, either I’m doing everything perfectly or not at all. And so it was kind of setting lofty. Expectations and targets for myself instead of being a bit more balanced and realistic with my approach is probably one of the main things that I saw and just really I think like attributing when I did mess up, attributing that to, Make it mean something about myself or like what I’m capable of or my self worth as opposed to looking at that situation and being like, could I have just been more prepared or put in more effort or, you know, looking at it from that perspective instead.

[00:07:55] Meegan Care: I think that’s that’s a really key point that you made there. So when we do mess up, because we’re going to mess up because we’re human beings, right? In many and all areas of our life is if we make the meaning of that consistently to be I’m not enough, I effed up, there’s something wrong with me, then I think it’s, it’s useful for us to, to dig a little deeper around, well, what might be driving this?

Yeah. So that, yeah. And that, that all or nothing thinking is such a key thing, isn’t it? Because the way I think about it is. We have this sort of unconscious driver of if I can just get to that weight, or that strength, or that speed, or whatever it is, financially, then I’ll be okay. Then I can relax, and then I’ll be alright.

[00:08:42] Justine Jeddy: Yeah, and I love what you said about the blinkered thinking as well, because it’s like, Yeah. If you’ve got a blink of you and you’re a high performer, who’s like, okay, I’ve just got to get to this goal, or I’ve just got to do this thing. Sometimes that’s where we’re like, Oh, mindset. That’s so woo woo, or that’s so like, you know, beliefs, like it’s very easy.

And I’ve certainly, I’ve certainly talked to clients with it, but it’s like, I don’t want to Sit and think about like, you know, how I see myself or whatever,

[00:09:07] Meegan Care: you know,

[00:09:07] Justine Jeddy: just like just want to do the practical stuff. And it’s like, you don’t understand how that like internal, your internal world impacts how you show up in such a significant way.

[00:09:17] Meegan Care: Yeah. So can you speak to that, like how, how that shows up with your, your clients, like your nutrition clients and your, your training clients, like not good enough. Is that, is that limiting belief we’re really zoning in on? How does that show up in their, in their, Behaviors or, you know, does it affect how much they can stick to their plan, their joy on the journey?

Yeah,

[00:09:41] Justine Jeddy: totally. Absolutely. So I think probably the main three key things that I see with clients that are struggling with this limiting belief is either some level of overthinking or procrastination. One of those two things. A level of overthinking or procrastination lofty expectations, like really high expectations.

And sometimes, especially if they’ve worked with a previous coach, I mean, there’s some incredible coaches in the health and fitness industry, but if they’ve worked with someone who’s got more of like a drill sergeant type of technique that’s very much like just, you know, get shit done, do, do, do, do, do. They can have the thing of their, like, they’re already kind of setting themselves up to fail to be like, Oh, I’ve got to do, I’m starting this fitness plan this week.

That means I’ve got to work out seven days a week and I’ve got to eat really well. And like, you know, X, Y, and Z, right. And it’s again, like really lofty standards that they that they have of themselves. And obviously it’s like, it’s good to hold yourself. to a high standard. That’s not, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s bring like setting realistic standards because where a lot of people I think see, Oh, I set high standards and therefore I’ll achieve more.

It can actually be self sabotaging. Because you’re, you’re, you’re setting yourself up, especially if you are dealing with like the, I’m not good enough to when you naturally, inevitably don’t hit that target because we’re human, we’re We mess up, we fail, like, that’s just part of life. But then you’d like, okay, well, you know, I guess I’m lazy.

I guess I’m this, guess I’m that, you know, I’m never going to achieve this goal. And it kind of backfires to where you then start to think, like question, you self doubt and you start to question, well, Is this, is this possible for me? So kind of setting a more, and that’s why I’m very careful to kind of pinpoint it on to set those like kind of more measurable, like realistic goals for, for women.

Again, like you, as a coach, and you would know this it’s, it’s like you’re working with different personality types too, right? So it’s also like, like kind of working with, okay, like, I get that you’re like super driven, type A personality, let’s say, you know, set up this kind of structure for you. And then similarly with someone who’s like, okay, like I’m kind of dipping my toe in, like, I don’t want to be like, you know, might be feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Like it’s like, okay, let’s just take this step by step and put things in place to not overwhelm yourself. But I think over overthinking and procrastination and that all or nothing thinking is definitely something we I see a lot with clients that have this limiting belief and the way it shows up is, is they have all or nothing in their actions that they then take with their, their fitness plan with whether it’s nutrition fitness, sleep, whatever type of self care routine that they have.

And, and yeah, that negative kind of self talk that then comes in when they don’t hit a mark that they’ve set for themselves,

[00:12:22] Meegan Care: hit those goals. Yeah, it’s interesting, isn’t it? Because I was talking about, well, when I talk to someone, what the, the limiting belief will come through in their languaging of their experience, right?

How they talk about it. And you can see it in your client’s behaviors, right? When like the all or nothing thinking, the perfectionism, the overthinking. So it shows through that. Yeah. Really fascinating.

[00:12:46] Justine Jeddy: And I think. I think something like to touch on like a procrastination for a little bit, because I think someone who’s, and this is just in my experience with the clients I’ve worked with, but I think and it’s something that I, I mistakenly thought of as well is, I think people still have the misconception with procrastination that it’s, that it’s that you’re being lazy and it’s like, no, like, there is like, you know, there, there is a subconscious thing happening there while we procrastinate and it’s normally like, Again, just speaking from my experience has to do with either like fear of the past or perceived fear of the future.

And that can then play into again that I’m not good enough or am I capable of achieving this or that kind of stuff as well. So I think one of the things I do aside from like the fitness and nutrition stuff is supporting my clients work through that procrastination as well. And that overthinking that, that mental chatter.

[00:13:36] Meegan Care: Yeah. You know, what I’m hearing you do is that you, you unpack the procrastination. You just don’t see it as a, as a barrier in and of itself that we have to push through, that if we can unpack that we’re kind of pulling the bricks out and that no longer becomes a barrier. And yeah, I think that, I mean, you go.

[00:13:56] Justine Jeddy: Sorry, no, I didn’t want to interrupt you.

[00:13:58] Meegan Care: You’re all right. No, what were you going to say? Oh, I was just going to go, go down a little deeper because I was like the, the, Not good enough is so at the core of our very being and I know in Brene Brown’s work she talks about shame being connected to not good enough.

So we have the limiting beliefs and we have the behaviors and we also have the emotions that are, that are connected in there and shame and, and not good enough. They, they just go hand in hand, right? And so You know, shame grows when we hide it, when we try and hide it, when we try and overcome it, when we try and be perfect so that we don’t have to feel at the core of ourselves that something is so very deeply wrong with us.

And I think the point I’m trying to make around that is that it’s such a core piece of who we are that if we can. Somehow, integrate that, heal it, change it, evolve it, something, so much lifts and changes in our life, in our behaviours, in our relationships. Have you seen that with clients for yourself?

What’s your experience with that?

[00:15:11] Justine Jeddy: Yeah. Absolutely. I think you’re spot on with that. Like, I think with any limiting belief, there is emotion attached to it. And I think it’s part of it is identifying that that emotion and also yeah, working through that on a deeper level to, to overcome that. to overcome it and to change, shift the, start to shift the narrative essentially of what we make that mean about ourselves.

And the thing that again, I don’t know Meegan, what you’ve experienced in your work and like, I’d love to know, like, like some of the things that have been really effective that you’ve seen with clients that have worked through this, I’m not good enough limiting belief. But, but one thing I will say is like, I think that with some of these limiting beliefs, a lot of people don’t realize that there is both a cost and a benefit to it, like we wouldn’t as human beings, we wouldn’t harbor a limiting belief if it didn’t serve us in some way.

And that’s just from my experience with working with clients with with certain limiting beliefs. But I’m curious to know, like, how have you found it in your practice and, and what have been some of the things that you’ve noticed that have been really supportive for your clients in, in working through this

[00:16:21] Meegan Care: practice?

So to speak to where you left off, I think that’s so key, right? But it’s, it’s a compensating or a protective mechanism, right? Our psyche doesn’t create these things to be mean to us. Yeah. It’s a survival mechanism that, that maybe we don’t know, we no longer need in that, at that strength or in that form, right?

Because what was shame, shame helps us to stay connected to the tribe so that we survive. We’re talking way back, obviously. Yeah. So there’s a protective mechanism there. I think it’s hard to talk about the actual mechanics of, of how you change, change beliefs because it’s very specific within practice.

But I also think that we, we are consistently working on updating, upgrading our beliefs. When we. We grow and we empower ourselves and we try things that we’re afraid of when we’re vulnerable, when we share ourselves in a way that we haven’t shared ourselves before and we have a, a neutral or a warm reception back.

We’re like, oh, hang on a minute, in that moment where I was my, my most messy self, where I thought nobody would accept me, that person looked at me like you’re looking at me now with loving eyes and a kind heart. Yeah. Maybe I’m not so bloody awful and broken at the core of my being after all. But I want to speak to something that show that does show up with clients.

So I use sort of like a brain Changing it’s sort of derived from nlp It’s a lot of my background over the 25 years to help women change beliefs right in in practice and then what What happens, so an example of a client who would go into meetings, so she was in management, she’d go into meetings, and there would be a particular senior person in that meeting that would always talk over her, that would roll his eyes, that would diminish what she was saying, and when that would happen this client would Sort of collapse, feel like she’s going to cry, not sure what she was going to say, would get a bit spacey and lose her track, right?

I mean, I have experienced that before, when I’ve lost my center and lost my grounding. When we did the work on, on Not Good Enough specifically, And we rewrote that belief and we might rewrite that belief to be I’m, okay. I am worthy. I am lovable. I am loved, you know, it’s safe to be me There’s lots of ways we can frame it and that got rewritten for her She didn’t actually have to work very hard on her behaviors beyond that.

She noticed that she’d go back into the meeting, that senior person was still behaving in the same way, but it’s like she wasn’t zoning in on it. Yeah. And seeing what he was doing and then going, oh, that’s all about me, and that means I’m a bad, terrible person. And then we lose our, our conscious, you know, reasoning mind capacity.

She just sort of didn’t really see it. And if she did see it, she was like, yeah, whatever he can be, whatever he wants. I have a point to make. And she would make that point. And what I love about at working at the level of beliefs is that we don’t actually have to work quite so hard on our behaviors because we’re changing the fundamental foundation, right?

And so then, yeah, and then the behavior. So she was able to witness that from him and just stay grounded. Present, get her point across, realize that there were maybe 10 other people in the room that she could speak to. She had a point to make and she was able to deliver it. So that changed everything, you know, for that client.

[00:20:10] Justine Jeddy: That’s incredible. Did she notice, because I know that triggers can also be something and what you spoke to just then, it was like, his, as you said, his behavior continued, but she was no longer. Triggered by it because she’d done that work on herself. That’s incredible. That’s so amazing. Exactly.

[00:20:27] Meegan Care: And she would notice that when, you know, you walk past someone in the hallway, if we have awareness of our body, we might notice that that person that triggers us might make our heart rate go up.

Our nervous system might become activated. Well, one of the first things that she noticed was she was like, Oh, she just stayed neutral. When she saw him, she wasn’t getting that activation in her nervous system and like we can have thoughts about people like in our conscious mind, but that’s so fast, that body’s reaction, that that was absolutely happening at that fundamental nervous system belief level.

I just think it’s so exciting that we can create changes like that.

[00:21:10] Justine Jeddy: But yeah, same, like it’s just, it’s, it really fascinates me how like beliefs literally intertwine with every other part of our being, right? Like, you know, if you’re anxious or you’re fearful, you feel it in your chest or your gut, or like, you know, how it’s all like, kind of interconnected.

And also in like, you know, as you just said there with like the heart rate rising, like, I think if people can tune in more to those things as they’re feeling them, it’s kind of like, okay, like what’s happening for me here kind of thing, like what’s showing up?

[00:21:39] Meegan Care: Yeah, and I think that’s a really key piece, right?

Because not every change that we make in ourselves and in our psyche has to happen in the clinical practice. Some of it can be, I notice my heart rate’s rising when this person is walking towards me because they trigger whatever. I, can I just slow myself down and go, hey, You’re okay. Like, talk to ourselves in that, that comforting, kind, nurturing, safe, supportive way and, and slow ourselves down and that way we can have more choices around our behavior that stem from that.

You know, those beliefs or that, that environment, that person that’s showing up in their life.

[00:22:21] Justine Jeddy: And it’s so empowering too, because you put yourself back in the driver’s seat, like what you just said then, like looking to yourself in a loving way. You’re like, it’s okay. We’re safe. Like, it’s all good. And you know, to walk yourself through that as opposed to just reacting.

Yeah.

[00:22:35] Meegan Care: And it takes awareness though, right? Because like, like say with clients that I’ve worked that through with, when we first begin, we’re like, Oh no, it just all, it’s just all chaos. And I feel disconnected from my body. I’m all in my head. I don’t know what I’m talking about. You know, all of that. But if we start to unpack that and bring awareness to it also, what did you notice in your body first started happening?

Yeah. And can you be with that? And can we just work on this one piece? And so we can, you know, we can work more slowly with it within ourselves. I, I don’t. necessarily subscribe to the belief that we have to have a big cathartic emotional reaction to heal. That if I just release all of that, all of that anger and sadness and frustration all at once, then that belief of not good enough will be rewritten.

I don’t necessarily subscribe to that. I mean, sometimes a connected, body aware expression of emotion is very key and very powerful. But I’ve just seen so many other ways, there’s other doorways that we can go through to support those beliefs to change, right? Yeah.

[00:23:52] Justine Jeddy: Yeah, I love that. And I know we’ve spoken about this before off this live, but here’s to know those listening, like when you talk about doorways, do you mind sharing on that a little bit more?

Because I love that concept with where you said about like, yeah, there’s different doorways to kind of get to that end kind of outcome. And you’re right. Like, I agree with you. I think it doesn’t have to be this massive you know, show of emotions or like banging on your chest or whatever it is, doesn’t have to be that can, as you say, like they can absolutely be emotions that you process and shift through and move through in that healing part of that, but it doesn’t have to be this kind of like big kind of entertainment kind of thing for sure.

The big

[00:24:32] Meegan Care: storm. And I’ve seen, you know, I’ve seen some of the deeper shifts happen for people where they’re, Maintained contact with the therapist while they’re talking about something that has been very difficult for them and because that contact has been grounded, embodied, supportive, they’ve been able to stay with it.

And so then we start to rewrite what’s going on inside of us. But I’m also thinking about you, Justine, and thinking about with your clients. You know, if I I’ve seen for women, and you would have seen it too, we all would have, you know, if I create a goal for myself, I want to I’m not a runner, so my goal will be small.

It will be 5Ks, right? I want to run 5Ks. I actually did that when I was 20, 21. It was a big goal for me. Yeah. And and that, Was, you know, so that’s another doorway we can go through and yes, I’m struggling with my self belief through that but I have that support from the person that was taking the program and I got that feedback of We’re doing this bit by bit.

So those are the doorways of Behavior relationships, you know, I think about, I’ve been with my partner for 24 years and, you know, we’ve learned so much from one another through that. And by him, not, Sort of abandoning me when I’ve had that abandonment fear come up. I’ve been able to rewrite that and know that I’m safe in an intimate relationship.

So there’s many doorways that we we can access the the deep subconscious beliefs and limiting beliefs that are going on. Yeah.

[00:26:10] Justine Jeddy: Totally, totally, and I agree, like, I think relationships can be deeply healing if, if, you know, like, and as you said just before, like, having someone just feel, like, feeling seen, heard, and understood by someone where you can just literally show them your stuff and there’s no judgment there, there’s no, like, it’s a safe space to just be like yeah, like, to process and to work through that I think is really beautiful.

So I’m just curious Meegan, like, what What ways have you, I guess, dealt with this, I’m not good enough kind of limiting belief in your own life? And I know you’ve just touched on you know, it’s been beautiful that you’ve, you’ve seen you and your husband work through different things in your, in your life, but just curious, like what, how has this shown up in your life, this belief of I’m not good enough?

[00:26:55] Meegan Care: Oh, you know, like, even as you say it, I can, I feel it in my body and it, and it shows up as just slight. Tears behind my eyes, and I don’t think for me. It doesn’t feel like sadness It feels like yeah, it’s been one hell of a journey. Yeah, it’s been such a journey from when I was Four years old and my parents separated and I blamed myself That’s my fault to My dog, I’m going to do this in quote marks, running away.

He didn’t run away. Oh, that’s another story. But my dog running away when I was five. Blamed myself for my whole adult life until I went through my therapy training and something just came out and I, and I learned the truth, you know, and so then how that showed up for me is this. Trying to be perfect, trying to get it right, trying to say the right thing, and yet underneath it all, feeling like I just wasn’t good enough and I wasn’t accepted.

And so then isolating myself, you know, that I had quite, I had quite a strong defensive mechanism to keep myself safe. So it was very hard for me to be vulnerable. And one of the hardest things in my life was Crohn’s disease, which I had when I was my twenties. And it was that decade that I went through that healing process.

That was just completely life threatening. altering and very, very difficult, but there was so much in that for me emotionally that I worked through and around beliefs, around shame, around not good enough. Yeah, I mean, that’s a longer, bigger story. But fundamentally the not good enough for me has been such a limiter, you know It’s meant that I haven’t reached out to people.

I haven’t tried to make those connections I haven’t I I took the safe job. I took the safe route I took the one where I felt I wasn’t going to be rejected and so, you know because It’s been such a strong thread in my life, and I’m 53, and I feel like I have worked with it so very deeply, and it’s absolutely changed.

But I also think we don’t need to get to a place where it’s like, never, ever, ever shows up. Yeah. We don’t have to, do you think so? We don’t have to get there to live a really rich, fulfilled life. Absolutely.

[00:29:32] Justine Jeddy: No, I would agree with you. I think it’s a bit like bad habits. Like, and I say this to clients, like, for example, let’s take binge eating, right?

Like, I’ve got a client who’s been with me a year and she really struggled with binge eating. That was like, one of the things that was really preventing her fat loss and fitness journey and working through what was going on there for her in the last year, she’s maybe binged, you know, Once or twice to where she was doing it three or four times a week, right?

So you can absolutely like make progress. And as you say, live a rich and fulfilling life and still like, we’re never going to be perfect. Right. So it’s like, we’re always going to have something running in the background that, that comes up. And I think that’s part of. The beauty of navigating through life, right, is it can be messy and it can be at the same time equally as incredible and fulfilling and enjoying, you know, and and so it’s kind of like, in some ways, you know, it’s kind of intertwined.

But I think for me, anyway, the biggest differentiator is looking back on, on my journey, it’s like, it’s not in the driver’s seat anymore. I think that’s the differentiating factor is it’s not in the driver’s seat. Whereas back then it was for me. And I, I, I, I’m curious to know for you what it was for you.

[00:30:48] Meegan Care: Yeah, spot on. I think that’s such a good way to frame it, is that it’s no longer in the driver’s seat. It’s like, in the background, the volume’s turned way down, and it’s not dictating every choice that I make in my life, or everything I dream about, is not coming from, you know, these glasses. If they were not good enough glasses, they would be blocking my capacity to see my life.

And, and it’s in the fullest way that I could. Yeah. Yeah. I love the way you put that.

[00:31:21] Justine Jeddy: Oh, no. Thank you. And so I’m curious, like, going back as you, it sounds like you’ve got a very rich history with, with navigating this. I’m not, I’m not good enough, right? Like, I’m just curious, what was a turning point for you or like a moment for you where you took it out of the driver’s seat, I guess?

[00:31:40] Meegan Care: Yeah I think there were many, many moments along the way, and some of the more recent work that I’ve done in the, you know, NLP kind of field has been really helpful to change things. I’m not sure that I can put it down to one moment. Rather, I think what, what happened is that I started to learn that when I would have that experience of shame come up, because shame is very painful, right?

When it arises in the body. That we try and avoid it, take ourselves away from it, and we might have many different ways that we do that, that I was more able to stay with myself and tolerate the feeling and realize that even though it was there, it was not all of who I am. It didn’t dictate the truth of me.

It was something that was temporary and was going to pass. So I think when I look back on my my putting, putting not good enough away from the driver’s seat into the back seat, it was those moments that were defining along the way. Yeah.

[00:32:54] Justine Jeddy: How about, how

[00:32:55] Meegan Care: about for you? Yeah, no,

[00:32:57] Justine Jeddy: that’s so powerful what you just shared there.

Like, I love that. It’s like, not like seeing it as temporary and like seeing it as, okay, I just, I’m not going to avoid this emotion. I think for me, it was. It was similar in that, like, not running away from the discomfort, from the discomfort, I think was really key. Because I think that, you know, in society and in life, we’re taught to avoid discomfort at all costs, right?

Like, we’re taught, like, if we’re feeling an emotion that’s, you know, It’s not like, you know, it’s not happiness or it’s not like a fluffy emotion, like, Oh, I’ve got to avoid that compartmentalize that, put that away. And so for me, it was just sitting in the discomfort of it. And as you say, like allowing myself to, to to process and to move through it as opposed to kind of shoving it away.

And then as I moved through it in that, okay, where is this come from? Is this actually true? Like what’s, what’s actually, you know, underneath, underneath this, yeah, this limiting belief, what’s reality. And then kind of shifting that to what’s a more empowering narrative. That’s a truthful one. That’s not just like.

you know like a fluffy affirmation. That’s just, you know, but it’s more and shifting it that way. And I, and I don’t know about, about you, Meegan, but for me, like I see mindset very much in the same way we train our muscles, we train our mind through repetition. And so I think something that helped me shift.

I’m not good enough. And I’ll be honest and say, like, I feel like I’m still working through that in layers, like, like, as you mentioned before, it’s like, it’s, it’s the, the volumes turned down, but it’s still, it’s still there in the background is, is, is shifting from, like, Empowering using that empowering narrative.

It’s like that repetition where when we fall into a negative self talk spiral, it’s like shifting that and changing it. So it’s not like going down the same pathway, if you will It’s the best way I guess I can describe it. It’s like in the same way we put our muscles under load and like if we do strength training, we do that two, three, four times a week and through that repetition, we build that strength and resilience in order to build that kind of mental resilience.

It’s like kind of the same I guess, approach in that repetition as opposed to just, I don’t know, maybe, maybe seeing. A coach like yourself once, once, once off and then being like, Oh, well, I’ve, I’ve dealt with it now. Like moving on with my life kind of, kind of thing. Right. Yeah. It’s, it’s kind of like, it comes in layers and you kind of unpack it at different points of your life as things, I guess, shift or come up.

Would you, would you agree with that? Or what’s kind of your

[00:35:34] Meegan Care: opinion? Yeah, I think that. That like we were talking before around, you know, it’s around doorways and that’s one doorway that we can use. Mm-Hmm. . I’m not a big fan of affirmations neither, right? . It’s like, am I treading on, am I treading on rocky roads here?

I don’t know. No, not at all.

[00:35:55] Justine Jeddy: No, not at all. I, I’m, I’m not a fan of them. I personally, I mean, I know they’ve gotten a lot of like, you know, the trending and the very popular, but in my mind, and please correct me if I’m wrong here, but to me, I just think you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and say, I’m awesome or I’m great or whatever, but just speaking those words without I don’t know.

Dealing with the emotions and the beliefs that you have is, is, is pointless. It’s like trying to spit on a house fire in my opinion.

[00:36:24] Meegan Care: Yeah. Yeah. Cause you, you’ve, you would have seen that that picture infographic of the iceberg, right? Where the top little part is like that small and that’s our conscious mind.

And the rest of it’s like all the way from there down to the ground is the sub subconscious So So affirmations happen in that top part, in the conscious mind. And yeah, that’s okay. Like that’s, we’re not saying that that’s, there’s anything wrong with that. But it doesn’t really address the big, massive, underneath the water piece of the iceberg, which is, which is the subconscious.

Yeah. Yeah.

[00:37:01] Justine Jeddy: And which is mainly in the driver’s seat, if you’re not aware

[00:37:05] Meegan Care: of

[00:37:05] Justine Jeddy: it or

[00:37:06] Meegan Care: not. It is in the driver’s seat. Yeah. And I think, you know, I’ve seen for so many people, me included, that we get tangled up in these, in these beliefs. It’s kind of like, you know, I have this belief that I’m not good enough. I have these situations that arise and then I have feelings of shame and, you know, it’s all, it’s all a bit of a mess.

And we think, well, I just have to get rid of that belief. Like that, that thing right there, I’ve got to get rid of that, and then I’ll be okay. And like, what we’re talking about is, yes, but it’s, it’s, it’s a constellation, and, and you should, you can come at it through different doorways, and that’s really helpful.

But if we can just slow down for a minute, and go, It’s actually okay that this limiting belief is here. I’m a human being. We’ve all got these limiting beliefs. They might show up differently in other people, but I don’t need to beat up on myself that this is going on for me. I think that that’s a very important key place to start because you’re opening up to that self acceptance and that I’m okay even though I’m not I’m not perfect because you are so much more than your mind, your emotions, your beliefs, right?

We’re so much more than that. That’s just a small part of who we are. But yeah, I think working with limiting beliefs is powerful. It can change our life’s experience. It’s about finding the useful doorways for us to access them. You know, that’s right for you.

[00:38:38] Justine Jeddy: Absolutely. Absolutely. And yeah, our thoughts, not every thought that we believe about ourselves is true.

So that, yeah, into, you know, but it is, I think, but I think sometimes when, I mean, I certainly know for me, like when I, like was in that, like when I, in hindsight, like now it’s easy in hindsight to look back at that and be like, Oh, that’s what I was doing, you know? But I think in the moment it’s just like, I think people forget that they can choose their thoughts as well.

So they’ve got this, they can, they maybe might be aware of like beating themselves up or having that shame or stuff, but it’s like, they almost feel, I know at certain points, I felt powerless one because I didn’t have the right tools and support around me to support me to, to overcome it. But also because I think I just didn’t know how it worked and I didn’t know Like, I could choose my thoughts, or I could start to shift, you know, those, those limiting beliefs, I think is, is yeah.

So how do you, how

[00:39:33] Meegan Care: do you do that, Justine? Like, if you’ve got that persistent thought that’s arising, how do you choose that within yourself? Can you unpack that a little bit?

[00:39:44] Justine Jeddy: Yeah, sure. So I I journal a lot. I like journaling. I do journaling for different things. But I if, if I’m noticing there’s a pattern or there’s, yeah, a pattern of a belief or a thought that’s coming up, I will sit with it.

I’ll get out my journal and I’ll write, okay, what’s, and I’ll late, like, I’ll, I’ll name it. I’ll identify what it is, like what the, the belief is. And I’ll kind of, you know walk myself through, okay, like, where is this coming from, like, is this true and kind of just, like, work through that and, like, kind of pinpoint, is there something that’s triggered this?

What does that look like? And, and kind of working through that. And then once I’ve gotten to, the main trigger. I will look at, okay, what do I need in this circumstance? What was it that I need that I didn’t get or that I needed to, or that I needed to give myself? How can I give that to myself? And then what is an empowering like, what is the truth in this situation and how can I take from the truth and empowering narrative to, to move forward with as well?

That’s, that’s been my, that’s been my process on different levels. But I found that to be. Supportive and helpful and sometimes it is just journaling and just sitting with it and writing it out and might take me five minutes to do, might take me 30, who knows, depending on what, how what it is and how strongly I’m feeling it.

And yeah, and as you say, like, I agree with you, sometimes it’s just writing it out and that for me has been sufficient, but sometimes I might cry, I might, you know, allow myself to feel whatever’s coming up in that moment too. So yeah. And supportive. How about you? What’s, how have you kind of worked through it with yourself?

[00:41:16] Meegan Care: Well, so, so I’ll notice if something’s coming up, I notice it as sometimes repetitive thoughts. And that’s always a signal to me that something’s going on at a feeling level and a belief level. And so I’ll, I’ll try and get in touch with that. What is the feeling underneath here? Right? So, because if I’m thinking something over and over and over again, it means my brain is trying to solve a problem.

So what is the problem, right? It could be at the emotional level. It could be exactly like you said at that level of needs, right? My, I said this to my friend, I saw that weird expression on her face and then she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night, I’ve made up a whole narrative around that and my mind has been been overthinking it, right?

So then I start to try and feel into my body what am I feeling here, right? Might be a little bit of shame, might be a sense of I wasn’t understood or guilt because I said something that was outrageous and rude to her, I don’t know, right? And then And then I, that’s where I think journaling is quite good because it is like you’re talking to someone else and then I love the way you came into, so you, you looked at what is, what are my feeling?

What are my emotions here? And then what was the need? What was the need? Yeah, and so my need might have been to be, to be heard, to have a right of reply, to feel supported. You know, there could be many needs there. Yeah, I look for that signal when I, because I’ve, I feel pretty clear within myself around most of what’s going on inside my brain.

And by the way, that’s such a good thing that happens post menopausally, is because I’m on, yeah, I’m on such an even keel, like hormonally, I’ve just, I know the playing field. I know the ground I’m walking on, it doesn’t go up and down anymore. So anyway. That’s wonderful. So if I’ve got that, So if I’ve got like that thought that becomes a little bit obsessive, I try and feel into, okay, so first of all, don’t believe everything your mind tells you, right?

Exactly as you said, that’s very, very key. And then secondly, what’s the underlying feeling? What’s the underlying emotion? Can I contact it with my body? Because often if we come into connection with it, it’ll It’ll soothe. There’ll be something that changes and that will help us get into, and what was the need here?

What was the need that wasn’t met? Yeah, and that’s often if we reach out to a friend and and we talk to a friend and then we, you know, we’re having a difficult time, we end that conversation, we go away feeling quite good. Yeah, that’s probably because they’ve been that safe space to be our journal. to reflect back to us,

[00:44:02] Justine Jeddy: right?

Totally. Sometimes all we need is someone to, yeah, just you know, give us their full attention, their presence and, and, and have that safety in that space to, to just, you know, blurt out whatever it is and just having that witness, that some, that person there to hold that space for us and just be like, yep, I’m here for you, whatever you need, like, just, you know, it’s, it’s super, that, that in and of itself is super underrated, but super healing.

It is. Yeah.

[00:44:30] Meegan Care: It is someone that can hold space in that way and they don’t always need to be a paid professional, right? Yeah, one thing I found works really well That I use in my course is that we do a like a life mapping exercise and we put on the life mapping exercise You know these sort of big events that have happened in our life and oftentimes they’ve sometimes they’re amazing and other times they’ve been quite hard and traumatic and then looking to the sort of the qualities and the learnings from those, from a strength based perspective, and I’m just, for me and for the woman that I’ve worked with, I find it so empowering because the arc of our life, once we’re in our 40s and 50s, you know, we’ve lived a life, right?

We’ve had experiences. But if you can have that bird’s eye view and look at the strengths, like for me, when I had Crohn’s disease, you know, faith, trust, perseverance, working through something that was really painful. And, and you, you collate that in this exercise that we do. And it brings, it brings a different perspective for women very often in terms of, Hey, actually, I’ve moved through a lot here.

There’s a lot of strengths in me that i haven’t been recognizing. And that does, that sort of balances out the not good enough belief. So that’s, that’s another doorway.

[00:45:54] Justine Jeddy: Yeah, that’s incredible. I love that. I’ve done something, I love the life mapping thing and I love that you’ve You write out, you pinpoint that.

I think that’s really powerful. It’s funny. I was literally chatting to my group of clients this morning around like, cause it’s easy when people say, when people talk about competence, they talk about, Oh, remember your accomplishments, write out your accomplishments. And I’m like, yeah, but that’s a bit wishy washy.

Like everyone knows what they’ve achieved in their life. Like that’s not anything I will get my clients to do something similar to what you just said. I’ll say from where you’re at right now in your life, I want you to recall and remember every single difficulty, hardship, obstacle that you have overcome and write out that list.

And honestly, like I hate to use buzzwords, but it’s like one of the most natural confidence boosters you can have because you remind yourself that. Of not only your capability, but as you say, it’s like, I am worthy. I am good enough to look at all of this thing, all of these things that I’ve overcome, you know, and it’s like, I find it really powerful.

So I love that you shared that. That’s such a powerful exercise.

[00:46:59] Meegan Care: Very similar, very similar exercises and what the helping to extract from, from our experience and confidence. I just want to speak to that briefly is when I’ve worked with not good enough and Rewritten that belief through some of the processes that I use, what happens in a woman’s confidence, it, it lifts up like it changes naturally rather than us having to sort of pump ourselves up by I’ve achieved that and I’ve achieved that and go girl, you know, which is the fluffy motivation.

The top layer, we’re working from the ground up and shifting that belief into I am worthy, I am lovable, I am okay just as I am. You feel that in the core of your being, your natural confidence, not necessarily bravado or anything like that, but your natural confidence will Will accelerate, will become more to the surface and more visible to people around you.

Yeah.

[00:48:04] Justine Jeddy: Yeah, that’s incredible. How amazing. How good. How good. I’ve loved our chat today.

[00:48:09] Meegan Care: Same, same. We’ll have to find another Another topic and have a have a wander through it’s it’s origins and how we work with it again in the future Yeah, this has been really amazing

[00:48:25] Justine Jeddy: Is there anything else you wanted to share on this topic that we’re covering today with limiting beliefs, I’m not good enough I don’t want to tie it up if there’s anything else you left left that you wanted to share or speak

[00:48:35] Meegan Care: It’s really good and really complete with it.

I think I just want people to, you know, go away with that knowledge that even though we carry that belief and pretty much 99. 9 percent of the people I’ve worked with have that not good enough belief, you are so much more than that.

In this human body, living your life, you are absolutely good enough, loved, lovable, you know, incredible, just the way you are in your normal self. We don’t have to be, you know, we don’t all have to be superstars. We are just miracles walking in the world. You know, on this beautiful planet.

[00:49:22] Justine Jeddy: Agreed. Agreed.

Every single one of you is valuable.

[00:49:25] Meegan Care: Yeah. 100%. How about you? Final words?

[00:49:28] Justine Jeddy: Final words. I think, I think just allowing, like, not avoiding, not avoiding, allowing yourself to pay more attention to yourself and that’s for anyone listening who has maybe come from a background similar to mine where. Your emotional needs weren’t met growing up.

It’s very easy to naturally be more avoidant to your needs or feel like you’re being like, like, you know, just not wanting to, to push them to the side, but allow yourself to, to put a focus on that and, and becoming more aware of, of what’s happening for you. Like what, what reoccurring thought patterns there are.

And also, as you said, Meegan, like not believing that those thoughts are real, but, but just shining more awareness on them and and, and. And starting from that point to work through them I think super important and placing unrealistic expectations on yourself. I’m gonna, I’m just going to say that every single person tuning in today, if you guys have any questions, there is going to be a replay on both Meegan and Mayan’s blog.

Instagram posts, but if you have any questions after watching the live or watching the replay again, feel free to drop your questions below and either Meegan or myself will answer those questions. But Meegan, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for, for being here today. It’s been such a pleasure to chat with you.

And yeah, it’s been amazing. It’s been incredible.

[00:50:54] Meegan Care: Likewise, Justine, we may be in different countries, but we are absolutely connected. I just want to, as we finish, really support and reiterate the piece that you spoke to around avoidance. So avoidance is a bit of a key flag around that and if we can counter that and turn towards rather than turning away from, we’ve made a really, really good beginning.

So thank you so much for sharing that and for your your. conversation today. It’s been just really, really cool.

[00:51:25] Justine Jeddy: Thank you. Thank you. And well, enjoy it. Enjoy the rest of your day.

And yeah, Meegan, thanks once again. Thank you so much for giving your time today and having this conversation.

[00:51:36] Meegan Care: Oh, my absolute pleasure. And thank you so much. Okay. Bye for now. Thanks. Bye bye.