Ep. 29 Overcoming Fear of Visibility in Midlife

Meegan Care [00:00:00]:

I’m Meegan Care, mindset coach, and meditation teacher. This podcast is here to help you unwind find self doubt, people pleasing, impostor syndrome, and overwhelm, so you can step into the confident leader you were born to be. Women, it is time to bring your purpose into the world in an impactful way without sacrificing your well-being. Are you ready? let’s begin. Hey, my loves. Welcome to the podcast. This week, we are talking about visibility and more particularly visibility in midlife.

Meegan Care [00:00:36]:

And really the reason I wanna go into this top is because it is something that is up and present for pretty much every single client that I work with. You know, if I’m thinking about women in business, who I’m mentoring, whether it’s their strategy and then wanting to grow their business. or their mindset, and, of course, they both go hand in hand. Or it’s a professional woman who is feeling like she’s hiding out in her career.

So I hear a lot of that. I get it. It has been a thread in my life around fear, I suppose, of visibility that I’ve needed to work with. And so I thought Let me do a brief love note to you around visibility, around why it’s so important for us to grow our capacity to show up and be visible, not just for ourselves, and not just for our own confidence and sense of connection in place in the world, but also for whoever it is that we’re connecting with, whether it’s our clients, our customers, our family, our wider community.

And whatever role or capacity we have in our community is really, really important. And so often, I will so if I take the example of business, small business. Right? Often, the clients that I work with, the first things that they’ll ask about is strategy. What do they need to do? They want to make a plan. They wanna be able to stick to the plan, which is great and is needed. However, when we drill down just a little bit, they have quite often got tons of advice around strategy. They’ve had coaching around strategy before.

They’ve done strategy planning. But what they’re really struggling with is No matter what strategies there, even if they have a really clear crisp plan need to follow, they seem unable to really show up and get into momentum to do the work that they want to do, to show up in the way that they want to show up. And if we dive down a little deeper, What we uncover is that there is an issue with being visible showing up in our world. and I get it. Right? We have so much conditioning, societal, cultural, to be the good girl, to be quiet, to do what you’re told to do at an earlier age, that we run these subconscious beliefs that if I’m just good enough, if I do everything right and I’m not criticized.

And I don’t piss people off. I don’t stand out too much. then surely I’ll succeed or someone will notice me, and then that will cause me to succeed. But very, very often, what actually does happen is that we’re so good, so rule following, so hidden, so afraid of being visible that we’re not seeing. And more than that, we’re actually not magnetic to our clients or our customers or whatever we want to bring forward in our career. And so we stay hidden, frustrated, Still trying to do the right thing, but starting to feel that we’re not making an impact.

So what is amazing about midlife? You know how very often in perimenopause, we have a bunch of symptoms arise from for a lot of women, not a woman, but a lot of us, their symptoms that arise. from hot flashes to insomnia, mood changes. Well, what’s going on, of course, is that our hormonal balance that most of us achieved through through our thirties, the regular cycles of our hormones. is starting to shift and change. It can become wildly variable. So as a result of that, the connections in our brain the pathways in our brain are actually starting to change.

So if we like I get, the physical symptoms that can be really tough to manage. And that’s why I always recommend that we do something to alleviate as much of the symptoms as we can. But say, for example, we’ve got that a little more under control. There is still an internal shift that’s happening in terms of the connections within your brain. And so that makes this a really prime time.

Your midlife a really prime time to start creating deep, profound change in your belief systems, your self identity, your self-concept, and then your behavior and how you show up in the world. And it’s actually a lot easier to do it in midlife because of this hormonal shift that’s happening that is causing a change in our brain. And once we’re through the through menopause, and we’re on the other side, and we have more stability Our brain has actually gone through what is termed an upgrade. And so our brain at that time posts menopause out the other side of the symptoms. is stronger, is more resilient, is more steady, and in my experience has a lot more access to deep intuition.

However, go back in time a little bit to when we’re in perimenopause phase when that change is happening, and there’s quite a lot of shifting rock and rolling in the brain. There’s change happening. You might walk into a room, and you knew what you knew what you wanted to get when you walked in there or say when you walked in there, but as soon as you walk in, it’s gone out of your brain. There might be brain fog, there might be forgetfulness. You can actually feel the change that’s happening in your brain. And, yeah, that is really inconvenient. However, if we harness the change and have open to an understanding that these physical symptoms are happening.

There is a change happening with our hormones in our brain. Let’s ride that wave and actually use this time of change to create a more confident self identity, to to unwind limiting belief systems, and create new ones that are going to serve you so much more in the second half of your life. And visibility underneath that, there’ll be there’ll be beliefs about yourself, so I’m not good enough. My voice is not valued. I’m a failure. I need to be a good girl to be safe in the world. There is a lot of that going on and just understanding that is a really great place to begin. The next spoke of the wheel that I really want us to get to grips with is that it’s not that you’re doing things wrong. It’s not that you don’t have the right strategy or you don’t know how to market properly or that you’re not you know, for whatever reason you’re not advancing in your career, if we can shift our capacity for visibility and show up as our authentic selves. Then these other pieces, these out side pieces, the actions that we take become way more magnetic.

They have much more impact. They reach so many more people. And then the next piece that I want us to really be clear about is that None of this is our fault. None of this is your fault. If you have fear of visibility, if you’re running if you have beliefs, that you are not good enough, that you are failure, that you are a failure, that you need to be a good girl, that nobody supports you all of those beliefs. None of that’s your fault. It has come through templating from our parents which came through their appearance and back on down through our ancestors.

It has come through the sea of culture society and conditioning that we were raised in. And so I am careful to for all of us, when we’re embarking on this self development journey or chapters of our life that our eyes are not only turned inward to what is it that I want to grow and develop within myself, but we have a broader perspective and understanding of, I am needing to do this because of societal gender, cultural, inherited trauma conditioning that I have grown up in and through. You know, it’s like that sense of the analogy of the goldfish in the bowl, all I know of my whole world is that fishbowl that I’m in. And it is not until someone shows me the wider landscape of my life that I can see that there could be something different.

And this is where midlife shakes things up inside our brain and gives us an opportunity to really consider who do I wanna be? How do I wanna show up in my life in the second part of my life going forward? And it’s really important not to heap blame onto ourselves for our current conditioning, our current conditions that we have an understanding. Well, yeah, there are certain things I can do to show up differently to change beliefs that are no longer serving me to stand up and be willing to be more visible. And I also understand that the wider community and conditioning can make that feel really hard.

And so that’s why it’s so important that you have support around you. support of friends around you of voices of hearts that are encouraging you to stand up. to show up, to speak up, even when it feels scary, somewhat scary. and going against the grain of what your brain thinks is safe. Because what your brain thinks is safe is going to keep you invisible. And whatever your thing is, whatever you want to bring into the world or support other people with, What keeps us going is that whoever it is outside of us, whether it’s people plants, animals, the environment, they need us to show up.

We, you, are a very important piece of the puzzle because it takes all of us doing our thing and showing up and being more visible even if we feel afraid, even if it has our knees shaking to create change in our world. And so that’s why when we have our friends, our colleagues really shining the light on us, and supporting us, we know that we’re not alone. Because fear of visibility, when that’s running, we often feel like we’re area alone and just showing up, and we’re at the void, and we’re kinda leaning in and leaning over. And it feel scary.

But if you have people that see you who know the edges that you’re walking and who are there by your side, Not making it okay for you to shrink, but actually making it okay for you to stand up and show yourself and share your voice It makes it so much easier. And when we do that, we’re more able to shift our focus away from what others are thinking about us. which is often thoughts that are going on when we have visibility stuff showing up. We’re worried about what other people will say, will think, will criticize, will come down on hard on us, and we’re worried about how that’s gonna feel and how we’re gonna respond, and is there gonna be a whole big wave of you did this wrong? coming at you.

That is why we need connection with others to say to us, hey. Your voice is needed. because the truth is your voice is needed. And so the more we do things that light us up, that bring us joy, and we share that out in the world in whatever area of our life is key to us. As we do that, we embrace more and more of our unique brilliance. And I’m such a believer in I can be a leader in my work, in my life.

I can shine my light so brilliantly, and I want you to do the same. If I see you really going for it and shining, and I was talking with a a friend about the just this weekend around. She’s really shining her light, and what she is needing right now is people around her really encouraging her on even if it seems like she’s quite a number of steps ahead of whatever that means. Right? ahead of the pack, ahead of the crew.

What she is needing is colleagues and friends around her who’ve got her back, who are saying to her keep going. Keep going about what actually often happens is that there’s a subtle pulling down and pulling back. from people around us. And that is not helpful. It is very normal for our brains to try and do that because we try and keep people where we’re at. Because if they shine too brightly, they go off out into the world and they leave us behind. I founder, really helpful to offer a reframe for that in my life. Where if I see my friend, my colleague, like, going great guns.

She’s leeping ahead. She’s got momentum maybe that I don’t have right now. and her work is just growing hugely. The way I’ve reframed it and found it so helpful is that she’s setting a template. She’s setting an energetic template for every one of us that is going to walk that path as well in our unique way. And so it becomes easier for us because she has been the trailblazer. And I know with my energy system that I template off people around me. So if one of my friends is shining her light and going forward with such incredible momentum, and she is.

My reframe, which has just become a part of the core of my being now at this stage, is that that is so great because my nervous system can template with her, and I get to see to feel that field of expansion that she’s going into, and it makes it so much easier for my nervous system to do the same. That is how we grow as communities. That is how we get this wave of consciousness shift on a spiritual level, but, of course, not just on a spiritual level. It shows up in how we live our lives, how we take care of the environment. Now if you don’t have women in your life that you feel support you to show up and be more visible in your world, in your capacity. Then I want you to know that my voice here now,

I’m supporting you, and I’m encouraging you to be the most brilliant version of you that you can be. And secondly, you can look to other women in midlife who are prominent in our world, who are maybe famous or celebrities, really well known speakers or authors, and you can look at how they show up and tap into the purpose the energy that drives their purpose and drives their visibility. And let that encourage you that you can do that too in your way. Now we’re not all going to be known all around the world like for example, Brene Brown.

We’re not all going to be a Brene Brown, but we can show up with that level of authenticity and visibility in our own business, in our own work in our own purpose, in our own community. And we will feel just as enlivened just as on purpose and just as authentic within ourselves. And so I reckon it’s such a great idea to look at, say, women who are in midlife who are very visible out there in the wider world. Right? And maybe for you, it’s Madonna. Maybe it’s not Madonna for you, maybe it’s Brenne Brown. Maybe it’s another speaker, celebrity, musician, actor, Whatever it is for you, whatever you see in that person, and you admire it and you admire their authenticity. You admire their connection to purpose. And furthermore, what you’re seeing is that These women who are in midlife are so in the momentum of their purpose in their career, they’re not winding down.

They are not thinking, am I getting too old? Can I not create a change from here. Nobody wants to hear me because I’m over 50. These women are showing up. and sharing what is in their hearts and in their minds and what drives them. And it’s that piece that I think all of us contemplate from and receive the energetic imprint of and show up in our way in our community, in our world, because your community and your world It actually needs you to be more visible. If you’re offering a service, if you’re bringing a new business out into the world, and you’re struggling to get it out there. You’re doing all the things, but it’s just not gaining momentum. Often what is underneath that is issues around visibility is issues around visibility.

And if you can’t see it, sometimes it helps for someone else to show that to you. I’ve seen that for quite clients quite often is that it just takes a little bit for us to get under the surface. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And it doesn’t mean that it completely goes away, but then you know what you’re working with. And And probably for me, in my life, it’s gonna be something that and for you as well, as we grow and we expand out The visibility issues are gonna keep coming up because you’re gonna keep expanding out, and then that next layer of visibility stuff is gonna show up. and that’s okay. But this is a supportive call out to all of us in midlife Maybe going through perimenopause.

Anyone over the age of forty forty five, the next part of your life is brewing inside you. It’s percolating inside you. and we can either become shrink and become more invisible or we can ride the rock and roll of the change that’s going on in our brain and step in and become more visible, more authentically ourselves, and that happens. way more easily when we feel supported by the women around us. I hope that’s been really helpful as a loving boost up around, hey. Your community needs to see more of you. They need to hear and see you standing up for what you believe in. So no more hiding inside your head inside your mind and trying to get things organized in the background.

Get up, speak up, connect with your community. And to that end, thanks for joining me on the podcast. I hope that you found that really helpful. I am creating a course for women in midlife. That is but really starting to that is addressing these issues. It’s a midlife confidence course. It’s gonna connect you with your authentic, confident self so you can show up and be visible, feel supported Know that you’re supported by the women around you. I’ll be running the beta group pretty soon, I think, within the next month.

And so I’ll either get a link on the show notes here soon where you can sign up for a waiting list. So I’ll get a link on the show notes here where you can sign up for a wait list so that you can get more information as it comes out because first round of this course, I’m gonna keep it small so that we can refine the course together. but I’m really excited to bring this course to women in midlife because it’s something I really needed when I was going through perimenopause and menopause. and it is what I see. My one to one clients need so much of because we shouldn’t be traveling this road alone. I want us to move through midlife to find a level of authentic confidence that maybe we’ve never had before. And to do that, we need a group around us. We need support. We need to know what we’re looking for and we need to know what is in the way.

And that’s what this course is going to do. I’m really excited bring it to you. And I’m sure as I write the course, I’m gonna be inspired to share more and more about it as we go along. Alright, my friends, go out there, be visible, do your thing, your way, authentically you, love you so much. and I’ll speak to you next week.